4 posts tagged “trust bridges”

I like kids for the most part. Of course, there are the rare exceptions of other people's kids that tend to be annoying/disobedient/etc. and I will admit that I have difficulty tolerating them. I think that is the most interesting part about my job. Not that I deal with other people's kids, but that I have a history of low tolerance for other people's kids and I am the one expected to help them be better. I suppose the plus is that the kids tend to only act up when the parents are present. One on one, not a problem at all.

I had a parent point that out to me yesterday. She was very confused that her child was a completely different child with the teacher at school than at home with her. Of course, it made sense to me.

I suppose the challenge in this job is...I don't have kids. Yes, I have a degree and some really good feedback on most occasions, but I feel like my lack of children takes a degree of credibility away from me. Earlier this week I presented the 12 Trust Bridges to parents in the community. It was something that I thought would really stress me out and I'd worry about, but in all honesty, I didn't even get nervous. That was almost more weird.

It went well for the most part. A mother of another client kept trying to make herself the exception, which was upsetting. "I'm a single mother and the kids go to bed at this time so I can't spend time with them." It's difficult to work with parents who put their kids to bed at 7:00 because they don't want to deal with them. (Interestingly enough, the same mother who was upset I didn't greet her child on the street a few posts back.)

I talked to another client of mine who is in middle school. She overheard some girls in the bathroom. One of them, a 12-year-old, talking about being worried she was pregnant. Not only that, but that the baby was probably fathered by a guy who could drive and had a van which means...rape because of how young she is. Yet another client told me that night that she is pregnant. Sixteen. Ten possible fathers. Half of whom she doesn't even know their names. My heart breaks for these girls and I'm torn for my role in it all.

Do I teach them how to be good parents? Do I do everything I can to convince them to put up the baby for adoption? Is that unethical? Is it just as unethical for other coworkers to suggest abortion? Or assume that she is keeping it? Poor kids. Poor kids, having kids. It's ridiculous. Where are their parents?! When did parents stop doing their jobs? Or, rather, when will they ever start?

Today was day one of my first family week. We spent ten and a half hours with the parents of four of the boys going over several things I have already discussed on here: Arrow-->Message-->Conclusion-->Learned Instinct--> "Winning Formula", Core-to-Core relationships, The Systemic Funnel, 12 Trust Bridges, The holes in the heart, emotional continuum, as well as the 8 battle fronts of addiction. I left exhausted and I had already learned most of the concepts already!

Mostly it was exhausting because there were more things about myself that I realized as I was sitting there today. Tomorrow we do not have class (er, I mean, we have "independent study" for class) and we get to go to the "realistic possibilities" group which will be nice. Very rarely are the interns available on Tuesday mornings to go to it, so I that is one more reason I am glad to get to be on rotation during the summer (when the breaks are).

It is crazy to think that a year from now I will be studying for or have already taken the boards. So much to learn

There are twelve "trust bridges" in any relationship and they are as follows. :)

1) Trust - This is noted as the "relentless pursuit of Christ's likeness". If there is just one thing you are hiding from this person then you are not "True Blue" and the relationship is shaky. "Everything built on a false foundation will fall." 99% good is not good enough.

2) Treasure - Do you treasure those in your life? You can know whether or not you treasure them by the other ten bridges. This includes loving a person for who they are, flaws and all, even if it is uncomfortable and unnatural, you must do it. Matthew 6:21 "Where your treasure is, the heart is also."

3) *Time - This is the thing that allows for the other trust bridges. There is no such thing as "quality" time. Quality time sprouts from quantity time. You cannot force a quality time relationship.

4) Talk - Disclosure. Look at the "relationship onion" and have core-to-core relationships. If people get together without media distraction, they will talk.

5) Touch - We all have something called skin hunger. This is non-sexual touch. Without touch marasmus (failure to thrive) happens. Even in marriage, there should be non-sexual touch.

6) Tenderness - Empathy. Being able to put the other person's skin on, in that situation, at that moment. Creating a safe place for others. Catching the other person, listen, comfort, and support, NOT fix! When someone comes to you and "drops" something and you continue to fail to catch them, they will no longer come to you to be caught. Tenderness is hard when you have expectations and assumptions. A good way to gauge this is to look at how often those you "treasure" come and fall to you. To have this, you must have quantity time.

7) Tributes - Acknowledging good effort, good attitude, and just being yourself in others. The thought that if you do not compliment then they will try harder is not a true thought. To make a child starve for approval backfires. It is not about where a person is, but that they are making an effort and applauding them for it. Noticing good effort, small and large. To do something, do anything, without receiving a tribute is an arrow.

8) Tickles - If your home or relationship does not have laughter people will not want to be there. This starts with the man (in a family). If you list five people that you want to be with all the time on one side of a card and then flip it, make a list of the five people who make you laugh the most, they are most likely the same list.

9) Teaching - Passing on family heritage. This also can only happen in quantity time. This is the start of all trust bridges because while you are teaching, you can have tenderness, tickles, touch, tributes, etc.

10) Teamwork - When you take on goals, challenges, and adventures (planned) together. Also, crises (not planned) you grow together. Taking them on separately creates a separation.

11) Tenacity - Not giving up!

12) Training - There are two parts to training.
        A. Self-discipline - learn to discipline yourself. "The ability to make decisions on the seriousness of the future instead of the pleasure of the moment." You cannot bestow self-discipline without having it yourself.
        B. Personal ownership of faith - If you try to instill self-discipline or share faith without the first eleven trust bridges, get ready for rebellion. Share spiritual experiences from the beginning (in family). Have this, then teach it!

All of these say nothing about what others should do for you and only what you should be doing for others.

I pretty much agree with these. :) They make sense and I can see where having them (or the lack thereof) can affect change in relationships.

I should partially apologize to my large, expansive reading audience. *note sarcasm* I posted a really good post on Monday or Tuesday, but then it didn't work for whatever reason and I lost it after investing several minutes on it so I gave up and went home. So, technically, I posted, you just didn't get to read it. :)

I had some thoughts then and I will attempt to recreate them as best I can.  I was supposed to have read in Metaframeworks the weekend that I was home. I obviously did not get any reading done and was dreading class that Monday because I wasn't as prepared as I would have liked to have been.  Fortunately, I forgot why, we didn't even talk about it and it was bumped to the next week. Monday, we ended up talking about the book and it was a really good discussion for the most part.  Rackley said something that made me think of some of the conference talks.  He said, "there are some feelings we choose to have." Although I think there is more to it than that, I agree with the statement as a foundation to further discussion.

Saturday of last week I woke up relatively early, unable to sleep any more.  I got up and by the time I had eaten breakfast I was actually tired again so I crashed for another couple hours.  I got up and started reading in my Metaframeworks and by 4:30 I was tired again, so I slept until 9:00!  The rest of the day was spent finishing up my paper for my presentation on Monday. Monday's classes were pretty good for the most part.  We have a test on a book in Dr. Moore's class next week and I haven't read the book yet.  Okay, it's only 148 pages, but that doesn't discount the fact that it may be a little difficult to handle with the other four chapters in Metaframeworks and the case studies.  I also think I have a couple papers coming up, one of which I haven't even found a topic for yet, so I'm kinda nearing a freak-out stage at this point in the process.

To top it all off, I've been working more on my family story paper which is proving to be physically and emotionally exhausting. I'll have a break from that for a while, but still. I feel as though I may be getting behind eventually if I don't keep up this current pace.

I did manage to deep clean my kitchen and bathroom on one of those nights.  My living room still has remnants of my trip home though. Anyway, you kids aren't here to hear about my scrubbing of my stove-top. :)

I will state now that I got an A on my test in Rackley's class.  I'm trying to decide what is the deal with these good grades.  I mean, of course I'm smart, but it's either the fact that I just automatically get this stuff because I'm more vested in the information or just that I have fewer distractions in small-town life. Then there's the whole smart thing, but that can only take a person as far as they work, in my opinion.

I had some trouble sleeping last night, often a result of too much thinking. Because of my lack of sleep, it took a great deal for me to get out of bed this morning. I mentioned that a girl in my program and I share a common bedroom wall and she can hear my alarm. This morning I decided to lie down for "just a few more minutes" only to awake at 8:58. Class was at 9:00. Fortunately, I had showered the night before and all that I needed to do was to wake up, dress and go.  I had even packed my back (which I had never done before)! It has been rather warm here, so I didn't hesitate to slip on some flip-flops and opt for a short-sleeved shirt. By the time I opened the door and realized the temperature felt like it was thirty degrees outside, it was too late to change.

We talked about "Raising A Modern Day Knight" today. This is the book that I took so much issue with before concerning Adam and the fall.  Hickman wanted all of us to comment and I avoided it for two reasons. I never did finish reading it because I couldn't agree with what it was founded on and I didn't want to start a religious debate in class. He forced comments from us all and when it came to me, I said what I thought, and he defended it. There is this moment when you have to decide if you are going to waste a great deal of class fighting about something only you believe or just let the teacher speak his peace and move on.  I opted for the latter. Mostly because I was still in the barely awake state, but when it comes down to it, I agree with the ceremony type events in the book, but I just don't agree with the foundation of it. Hickman's big argument, especially. I just shut my mouth and didn't say anything. We had our break in class and most of the class started to argue apparently. An argument I missed, but still.

A couple things Hickman talked about were the concept of a "love bank" which is in a book called "His Needs, Her Needs" that we will read next year. Basically, each person we meet has a bank account in our love bank and when they make deposits or withdrawals it affects your relationship. Sometimes there are people that consistently withdraw and rarely make deposits. That's about 75% of my world right there.

We also started talking about the twelve trust bridges. Wow.  I love the trust bridges! We only got to #5 today so you'll have to wait until next Thursday for me to post about that, muahahahaha. Something to look forward too.

I just found out that they are doing "Fiddler on the Roof" in the next couple weeks. :) I may go!

Oh yeah, because I was late, I didn't get to ask my question. There's always next week, maybe.