4 posts tagged “graduation”

I would venture to say that upon one's graduation the new alumni looks toward the future with hope and excitement. It is finally over. I stayed the task. I survived the classes, demands and emotions that are encompassed in working toward a degree.

Then reality strikes. You are now in competition with every other person that just graduated in your field...across the nation. Entry level becomes something you dream of as you use whatever means necessary to get a good night's sleep without worrying how you'll survive without good ol' Uncle Sam helping you out.

I'd heard about these scenarios for several people. I suppose I was in denial just a little bit. Sending out resumes to the best places. No response. We are not hiring. The market has dropped (whatever that means). All "good" excuses, I suppose. How does the "market" drop in mental health anyway? People stopped having problems because of the high gas prices? Maybe people have less stress because they aren't sure they can make their house payment or not. *shrugs* Whatever the reason, it leaves some of us new graduates between a rock and a hard place.

Do we settle for something we are WAY overqualified for? Do we keep looking even though the bank account dwindles every day? Do we contemplate the potential income of the beggar at the exit ramp and consider a similar lifestyle? Do we just give up and look for anything just to have an income?

I'll admit, I applied for jobs I was too qualified for. I was offered one actually. I applied for Administrative and Executive Assistant positions, because I knew I was qualified for that, at least in one way. The next day (after I was offered a job below my qualifications and pay scale) I was offered a job in my field with every possible benefit imaginable. 401k, insurance (life, medical, dental), long-term disability, student loan reimbursement, paid supervision, vacation, sick days...need I go on? The catch is, it's in the middle of nowhere. A smaller town than I was in before. Then the near deal-breaker...No Wal-Mart. Not only is there no Wal-mart. There is not a Wal-Mart until you drive about 118 miles. What happened to that whole "A Wal-Mart every seven miles" goal mom?

Was it worth the wait? Nearly a month since graduation and no job? I think so. One day we'll laugh about the month I didn't work. I'll probably long for a day off actually. In any case, we are now just waiting on details regarding my licensure and then we'll make the four-hour move to this small town to hopefully embrace the almost completely faded dream of a new graduate. 

It's a good thing too because I'm not sure my husband would go for the whole street beggar thing.

Okay, I didn't die. I didn't forget about you guys. I just, well, I had a lot going on since the last time I posted. I was all ready and focused on graduation and moving across the country when some "social interactions" turned into a wedding the day before graduation. I'm now spending time with my family (and the husband) as I stressfully look for a job so we can find a place to live and call home. We're both anxious to have our own space and settle in and are getting a little impatient with the dragging process, but it's nice to get to spend so much time together. He just realized the other day that there will come a day when we will go our separate ways and have to go hours without seeing each other. I think it'll be an adjustment for both of us.

I still have ponderings, etc. to catch up on from the end of school and I'm sure I'll have musings as I interview, adjust to a new job and marriage. Thanks for hanging in there.

All clients lie. This is the thing we were told from the onset of the program. Soon after, "All therapists lie" was added to our list of catchphrases. I'm not sure which one I am today, but I know a little of either wouldn't hurt.

At first, I was somewhat offended by the assumption that I was a liar. I try to be honest with people in the majority of situations. Oftentimes, it has gotten me in trouble. I suppose the main method of my deception is through omission, or as we say in the biz, avoidance. :)

I won't say that I only learned avoidance in my home environment because I picked it up other places too. But it's a part of me and even though that part has been chipped away at for the past several months, there's still a part of the avoidant me that remains. This part is getting stronger strictly based on the timing of everything.

I'm typically pretty good at avoiding the "little irritations" for the sake of the group. I try a little less with some people than others, but generally, I'll eat my hat before getting all dramatic on the group which ends up altering the mood of the whole. At least I try, or I thought I did.

The trouble with eating your hat, or anything else for that matter, is that eventually you get full. You no longer have an appetite for bowler hats, sun hats, baseball hats, clown hats, beanies, or any other type of cranial decoration.

I think the biggest lies that we, as clients or therapists, tell are the ones we tell ourselves. Examples escape me, possibly because all the potential examples in my mind would be far too telling of my current...position, but I think you all know the lies you tell yourselves.

My frustrations continued to grow until a couple weeks ago at which point explosion seemed the only option. The quote that I find that best describes this frustration is this: "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." ~Adm. Hyman G. Rickover

I'm not sure if that's an accurate attribution or if that guy didn't really say it, but I'd heard it before. I'm the type of person that would rather discuss life, the complexities of it, feelings/reactions to it, things like that. I'm impatient with those that choose to discuss people. I've become even more impatient with those people because I've been making an effort to be less critical and judgmental and it is difficult when surrounded by the people people.

I do recognize the slight irony in my discussing a person that discusses people. For me, it isn't about this person, it's about how it impacts my interaction with them, why it's upsetting, why I'm frustrated, how that affects my behavior, etc. I really have nothing negative to say about the people that talk about people, except that I'm tired of talking to them. If the best thing you can talk to me about is what so-and-so might be doing, then I don't want to hear it. If you want to tell me how that is affecting you, what that makes you struggle with, why it is important that I know that...okay, I'll take that. Just please don't feed me speculation and gossip and expect me to swallow it.

I'm not perfect at this by any stretch of the word, but I'm doing better. I suppose one must know how bad it was before they can realize any degree of change.

All this comes at a very inopportune time for me. I graduate in a matter of months. I have a pattern that I'm struggling to break and I have still not successfully convinced myself that I've changed. Several patterns have changed, the trouble in this pattern is that it only arises when I'm preparing to leave a place, or people that supposedly care about me. I have a pretty good gauge of people I will remain friends with forever, people that I've tried to reach another level of the relationship onion with and it doesn't happen, and people I haven't tried to and won't try to get closer to. The first group doesn't really suffer in this pattern. They suffer a little, but I'd like to think I'm at a healthy enough place where they're out of danger. The third group probably would agree with me that we don't have the relationship to maintain over hundreds or thousands of miles.

It's the second group that frustrates me. I'm pretty emotionally honest, when prompted and when I feel it's safe. This second group has either seen me very honest with them, sharing some core things, and just haven't responded/reciprocated with their own core. I don't know why. Maybe I really don't feel that safe, so they don't feel safe. Maybe they don't trust me. Maybe it's their own issues and has nothing to do with me. It is at this point in my own pattern where I stop trying. I'm not going to fight with anyone to have two or three months of conversations about people. I'm not going to work to improve a relationship that will not continue past graduation. It's not worth it for me.

I just feel...drained by it all. I don't have the energy to fight these battles AND finish my hours AND graduate AND figure out the rest of my life from here AND maintain the relationships with people who are trying as hard as I am to maintain them. The logical step for me is to drop the thing that isn't important and these battles are not important to me.

In this pattern of mine, I quickly recognize the people that I have a strong connection with and I decide that I'll work to maintain that connection. When I left last time around...only a handful (maybe fewer) of the entire group made the "cut". There were a few I kept up with for a few months, but it seemed to be more of an "out of sight, out of mind" type of experience on both ends. Now, I consistently have some sort of communication with two friends from home. All others...nothing.

When it comes down to it, all people lie. Some people lie about what they want, what they need, or who they really are. I'm pretty good at handling the first two, the last one...I have little patience for. I can tell when people are putting on a show. I can tell when people feign sincerity because they think they should be sincere. Probably because I used to do such a good job of it myself. I still do sometimes.

Like I said...all therapists lie.

Back in the Summer of 2005 I was on the cusp of finally graduating with my Bachelor's. My employer, up to this point, had been very flexible and understanding which allowed me to attend classes full-time and work full-time. The closer I became to graduation, the fewer options I had regarding my schedule. As a freshman I could always pick the classes that were before or after hours and rarely conflicted with my work commitments. When it's senior year and you have specific classes to take and they only offer one time, the options are much more limited.

I worked really hard to come up with a schedule that worked for everyone. If I recall correctly, it basically meant that I would end up working five hours on two days and nearly ten hours on the other three days. This wasn't out of the ordinary toward the end of my schooling. I worked it out and it was the first semester that my work schedule would be seriously compromised by my coursework. I registered for classes, worked out my schedule and proposed it to my supervisor. All that was left was to wait.

When I decided to return to school, it wasn't really...encouraged at work. I was told by my supervisor that the office would not work with me to complete my courses. I was basically being told to pick one or the other. By no means would they endure compromises I might ask to finish school. I started anyway. First, making a point to take the classes that were in the least amount of conflict. I kept my work up, tried to keep my classes up, did what I felt I needed to do to reach my goals. To say I was anxious to finish would be an understatement.

With this plan for my Summer courses I would be able to graduate that December which I didn't expect, but was very, very excited about. The longer I waited for a response from the higher-ups, the more discouraged I became about the possibility of a December graduation. It became frustrating to realize that my future and my timetable were in the hands of someone else that, I had been told, wasn't exactly in the mindset to help me reach my goals. Shortly before the drop date, I finally decided it would be my choice if I wasn't going to take classes that semester. I dropped the classes and made preparations for a May graduation.

Soon after I made the decision, I was given word that my proposed schedule had been approved. I was a little disappointed, but it had been my decision and that wasn't going to change based on their decision. I knew it would be my last summer without classes for a long time. Looking back, it all worked out. I graduated in May. I moved here for grad school and my employer was very supportive through all of it.

I feel like I'm at that spot again right now. Earlier this week, I went to interview for a Ph.D. position in the same field. The longer I wait, the more discouraged I become about the potential for this opportunity. My mind is working to convince me that it's my decision to make, which I know is always the case. I can choose to go ahead and make plans after graduation with the assumption that I will not be pursuing a doctoral degree. I can choose to wait (and seemingly wait, and wait, and wait) and find out what their decision is. Hey, I can even choose not to go when it is offered to me.

I'd like to go ahead and make plans. Decide my future and get rid of all the waiting. There's nothing wrong with making a Plan B (or a Plan A) to supplement any opportunity that may develop in the next couple months. Today the plan is to just mark things off my list that I know are in front of me. Maybe once that's all in order I'll have room, or time, or energy, or opportunity to conquer the new things coming up on the list.