4 posts tagged “family story”

I am pretty tired of Bradford Keeney, Ph.D. these days. We have talked about him in class both days this week and I spent five days with him last week and I will officially say. I am tired of him. Sure, he's had many experiences. Sure, he's super smart, but when it comes down to it, he's just a regular guy that was fortunate enough to study under some of the fledgling Marriage and Family Therapists. He is good because he has been practicing for a long time. I really wouldn't care if I didn't hear too much about him after this week. An experience, but not a life-changing one.

Things today have been very open to me. I keep thinking thoughts about the day. There are days that go by without me writing anything in my little notebook to remind me of things to post here and then there are days like today where I have a whole page of thoughts, or almost thoughts. I will try to satisfy those keywords with actual comments, but I will apologize in advance if I get tired at the end and slack off. :)

Next week is my last week with my co-therapist with my first client. All this week I cannot help but think about the training wheels being taken off my bike. Granted, I never had a bike with training wheels because I swiped the money to buy a bike and it didn't come with training wheels, but I'm only imagining what it would be like to be expected to "fly solo" or do a tightrope without a net or something of equal anxiety. I'm on two ends of the spectrum right now. I'm excited, but very, very freaked out that I won't have anything helpful to say because much of the time I'm building on something my co-therapist has said. I really haven't had the opportunity to be confident in my own thoughts and impressions.

I was able to be on my own with my second client for a few minutes last week and things went well. Unfortunately, due to some logistics, the appointment for this week is cancelled. It is disappointing to lose that client, but a bit of a relief to not have to continue that (different) co-therapy relationship because it was not necessarily working. So, I am back down to one client.

Last week in Supervision with one of my classmates my supervisor brought up my family story. I didn't know why, but I was somewhat upset about it. The more I thought about it, I realized that I like to control the amount of personal information that I share with people. I also like for it to be a balanced sharing of information. If someone is going to know all my "stuff" I expect them to be equally open with me. The fact that there wasn't that balance in the situation was frustrating.

Today, in class, with all my classmates and one new guy and another guy that isn't even in the program, the same supervisor started talking about my family story in front of the entire class. First of all, there was very little context for "outing" me in any way. Not that it was negative or bad, but it was personal and not fof all of the world in that context. To the point that I was frustrated and had to pull my handkerchief out of my bag to keep myself from crying right there. Like I said, it wasn't anything telling, but it still bothered me. I asked him why he felt the need to discuss my family story twice in one week and he said he would answer the question later, but never did. I am sure there is something that he knows about me that he is trying to make me stronger, but I'm certainly not enjoying it at this point. Soon we will be in intercession and all of the mess will come out.

I'm posting. I should be doing ten case studies, but instead I am on campus updating good ol' vox. Actually, I came up to campus to print out the diagnostic sheets, so it wasn't a blatant attempt to avoid the work I should be doing.

Apparently, I'm not allowed to turn off my phone or people will freak out. Specifically, Teh. I can go weeks without speaking to anyone back home, but the minute I cut people off they get all worried that I'm dead or something. Seriously guys. If I were going to die, I'd definitely call you first. :) Or after, either one.

There are a couple things we talked about today that are worth noting. In the morning class with Rackley we talked about epistemology. Now, that is an interesting topic! Basically, it's the word for the concept of how we know what we know. We talked about our own realities and realities of others and how one person may experience an event and testify that something happened and when it was videotaped, it never happened. In the book, Aesthetics of Change (I should mention here that the author of this book will be here for a week in the Sping lecturing in our classes!), he uses the example of a faquir who threw a rope up in the air and climbed it. According to those that stood there and witnessed it, it happened, but on video, it didn't. Many times there are two (or more) sides to a situation and trusting that one person's perspective is the true and honest perspective without consulting the other is . . . stupid. Haha, we didn't use that word in class, but I am using it here to prove a point. I'll give my best example of this as I possibly can. I had these friends, they were dating. The girl went home during a break in school for about a week, maybe just a weekend, and she picked me up from home and we did something and then went to church. I hung out with the couple for a while after church, but she kept talking about how she had a paper to do and needed to take me home, so boyfriend got out of the car and we went our way. Almost immediately after we are on our way to my house she starts talking about how boyfriend didn't care about her, he didn't want to spend time with her, maybe things wouldn't work out. In most cases, had I not witnessed the situation, I would have just seen her one side. Luckily, I was sitting right there. I explained that the fact that she mentioned several times how much homework she had to do that it might have seemed like a "hint" that she wasn't to be bothered that evening. Boyfriend calls her on the way home, after we have spoken, and it turns out, I was right. Now, this didn't happen all the time, but this particular couple was one that I was usually dead on with her own insecurities about things. In any case, look at both sides. Her experience had taught her to interpret situations a certain way, but at the same time, her learned instinct set up situations where the experience would reflect her conclusions and winning formula. Anyway, that's the best way I can explain epistemology. :)

We also talked about ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) and how it is used on strongly depressed patients in an effort to confuse the depressive pattern and restructure the pattern into more healthy patterns. I'm far from an advocate for ECT, but that made me think about the big things in life that really throw our lives into chaos. I've decided that these trials that throw us off of our game and we don't know what to do is just God's way of helping us get out of an unhealthy pattern. Yeah, it hurts at first, but it's better in the end. So, God's trials or ECT? I pick trials, thanks!

Dr. Moore's class was presentation day. In his class one person (or two) present on a topic for that week. This weeks topic was transference and counter-transference. The presenter had us do an exercise and I want you to do it right now. Get a piece of paper. DO IT!! Okay, pen in hand. I want you to think of the most dominant relationship in your life; spouse, significant other, or best friend. Okay? Think about what their most dominant characteristic is of their personality and write that on the paper. Now, write down how you react to that aspect of the personality. Okay? I think you're cheating!! Done?

Okay, now look at that quality and ask yourself if this quality is exhibited in your parent(s)? If not, is it the opposite of your parents? So, this is transference. :)  It's pretty scary when I thought about it and did it. Not to say I have a significant other, but you get the drift.

Dr. Moore talked today about "disorders of difference". He talked about the most common situation in therapy up here is when a therapist will challenge a client and because it hurts them they back down and no longer push that boundary and lose momentum for change.

One last thing we talked about was the difference between a story told and a story lived. I think that is where my trouble in finishing up this family story paper has been. A story told is just that, telling a story. A story lived is when you recount the events and all the emotions of those moments are fresh and you live the events over again. I don't think I'm to the point where I am fully capable of just telling my story. My class knows that, my professors know that, it's all about reliving it. Exhausting I tell you. About one o' clock as I was lying in bed, not sleeping, I thought of a way to tell the story (this pretty much happens every night, I'll get up, write a few paragraphs, lose momentum and the next night change direction) where it is less about the actual story and more about the patterns. Maybe I'll get through it. I've got a little more research to do, but that will have to wait.

Well, it's about time I get to these case studies and make some more progress.

I should partially apologize to my large, expansive reading audience. *note sarcasm* I posted a really good post on Monday or Tuesday, but then it didn't work for whatever reason and I lost it after investing several minutes on it so I gave up and went home. So, technically, I posted, you just didn't get to read it. :)

I had some thoughts then and I will attempt to recreate them as best I can.  I was supposed to have read in Metaframeworks the weekend that I was home. I obviously did not get any reading done and was dreading class that Monday because I wasn't as prepared as I would have liked to have been.  Fortunately, I forgot why, we didn't even talk about it and it was bumped to the next week. Monday, we ended up talking about the book and it was a really good discussion for the most part.  Rackley said something that made me think of some of the conference talks.  He said, "there are some feelings we choose to have." Although I think there is more to it than that, I agree with the statement as a foundation to further discussion.

Saturday of last week I woke up relatively early, unable to sleep any more.  I got up and by the time I had eaten breakfast I was actually tired again so I crashed for another couple hours.  I got up and started reading in my Metaframeworks and by 4:30 I was tired again, so I slept until 9:00!  The rest of the day was spent finishing up my paper for my presentation on Monday. Monday's classes were pretty good for the most part.  We have a test on a book in Dr. Moore's class next week and I haven't read the book yet.  Okay, it's only 148 pages, but that doesn't discount the fact that it may be a little difficult to handle with the other four chapters in Metaframeworks and the case studies.  I also think I have a couple papers coming up, one of which I haven't even found a topic for yet, so I'm kinda nearing a freak-out stage at this point in the process.

To top it all off, I've been working more on my family story paper which is proving to be physically and emotionally exhausting. I'll have a break from that for a while, but still. I feel as though I may be getting behind eventually if I don't keep up this current pace.

I did manage to deep clean my kitchen and bathroom on one of those nights.  My living room still has remnants of my trip home though. Anyway, you kids aren't here to hear about my scrubbing of my stove-top. :)

I will state now that I got an A on my test in Rackley's class.  I'm trying to decide what is the deal with these good grades.  I mean, of course I'm smart, but it's either the fact that I just automatically get this stuff because I'm more vested in the information or just that I have fewer distractions in small-town life. Then there's the whole smart thing, but that can only take a person as far as they work, in my opinion.

I had some trouble sleeping last night, often a result of too much thinking. Because of my lack of sleep, it took a great deal for me to get out of bed this morning. I mentioned that a girl in my program and I share a common bedroom wall and she can hear my alarm. This morning I decided to lie down for "just a few more minutes" only to awake at 8:58. Class was at 9:00. Fortunately, I had showered the night before and all that I needed to do was to wake up, dress and go.  I had even packed my back (which I had never done before)! It has been rather warm here, so I didn't hesitate to slip on some flip-flops and opt for a short-sleeved shirt. By the time I opened the door and realized the temperature felt like it was thirty degrees outside, it was too late to change.

We talked about "Raising A Modern Day Knight" today. This is the book that I took so much issue with before concerning Adam and the fall.  Hickman wanted all of us to comment and I avoided it for two reasons. I never did finish reading it because I couldn't agree with what it was founded on and I didn't want to start a religious debate in class. He forced comments from us all and when it came to me, I said what I thought, and he defended it. There is this moment when you have to decide if you are going to waste a great deal of class fighting about something only you believe or just let the teacher speak his peace and move on.  I opted for the latter. Mostly because I was still in the barely awake state, but when it comes down to it, I agree with the ceremony type events in the book, but I just don't agree with the foundation of it. Hickman's big argument, especially. I just shut my mouth and didn't say anything. We had our break in class and most of the class started to argue apparently. An argument I missed, but still.

A couple things Hickman talked about were the concept of a "love bank" which is in a book called "His Needs, Her Needs" that we will read next year. Basically, each person we meet has a bank account in our love bank and when they make deposits or withdrawals it affects your relationship. Sometimes there are people that consistently withdraw and rarely make deposits. That's about 75% of my world right there.

We also started talking about the twelve trust bridges. Wow.  I love the trust bridges! We only got to #5 today so you'll have to wait until next Thursday for me to post about that, muahahahaha. Something to look forward too.

I just found out that they are doing "Fiddler on the Roof" in the next couple weeks. :) I may go!

Oh yeah, because I was late, I didn't get to ask my question. There's always next week, maybe.

In class today we received the assignment to write our "family story".  The challenge lies in a series of things, but particularly, fitting it within the ten-page requirement.  I'm not concerned about not filling it, but rather going over.  I suppose we will see.

Dr. Hickman talked about how there is no such thing as unconditional love in a marriage and it made me think about situations that are happening right now.  One of the books we have to read for class is called "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce."  I can't wait to read it because there are those that believe divorce has little or no impact on their current or previous relationships.  I hardly agree with that sentiment and am intrigued by what might be said.

I finished reading the chapter about Personality Disorders and have successfully convinced myself that I have parts (if not all) of these disorders.  There are ten disorders.  I have pieces of at least six of them, haha.  More in the avoidant cluster, but still.  Fortunately none of these characteristics persist long enough to cause any concern.

I'm excited to write the story.  Sure, there will be many questions that need to be asked, but I can get those.  Between that paper, the presentation in about ten days *yikes* and other things, I'm going to be very, very busy.

Tomorrow I'm doing my second observation. There are three therapists that are seeing parts of a family and they are coming together for a session.  I'm excited to get to watch. :)

Wish me luck everyone!