4 posts tagged “co-therapy”

I'm not a good co-therapist. It's something that is difficult to admit, but it's true. Oftentimes I am not really on the same page as my co-therapist and I get frustrated and it ends up being the antithesis of therapeutic. I suppose I learned this during my first few sessions in the therapy room. The 2nd year over me was totally missing everything that was being said and I didn't feel like I had the authority to re-direct into a more healthy direction. I've done a pretty good job of avoiding co-therapy sessions since that time...

until now. It's now approaching crunch time. You know, the time when all the 2nd years need hours to make sure they have 500 by graduation. Due to this crunch, we have been paired together with other therapists who need family hours.

Because of my previous bad experiences and my avoiding the option to have a co-therapist in most cases, I haven't really worked with many of my colleagues in the therapy room. There are a few that I "knew" I wouldn't get along with because of the way that I assumed they would do therapy. I was dreading a therapy session with one of my colleagues for exactly this reason. I had seen other colleagues leave the room frustrated and I assumed I would have an equally "bad" experience.

I was so glad the past couple weeks when we had sessions scheduled and our clients wouldn't keep their appointment for their first session. Crisis averted, I thought.

Tonight I arrived to see, not one, but two on the books with this colleague and I heard the receptionist giving directions to one of them so I knew they were coming.

I just want to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Both sessions went well. We played well off of each others' suggestions and comments without the sometimes apparent "fighting". There were only one or two things that I started to disagree with, but then I realized their direction and it wasn't even a big deal because I gave myself time to listen to what they were saying. I look forward to continuuing to work with my colleague with these two families/couples. It will be a good experience for both of us, I hope.

I wonder if he was as worried about me as I was about him. It all goes back to Dr. Seuss in the end. Remember the story about the pale green pants? No? Look it up!

I have several pages of notes that I haven't taken the time to expound upon, so I'm going to try and get as many of the thoughts out as I can until I get tired/bored with it. It may seem random, but if you think of this in the span of several weeks and a note here and there, it might be a little less random. :) I'll go backward from this moment.

I have become rather hooked on playing Backgammon. Right now, I don't have a board so I play online. The irritating thing about playing online is encompassed in two things most often 1) the internet cutting out or 2) people giving up. During the game you have the option to resign or double the score. I generally don't do either because I'm only playing to pass the time, not to win or anything like that. There have been times where I would be in the middle of a game, winning, and because I rolled well, the other person left. Once they "knew" they were going to lose, they would end the game. Or, even more frustrating, I have two chips left, about to finish, they try to resign and I won't accept (it's only two pieces anyway!) and they leave. I know this sounds like a rant, but really I feel like this concept can be compared to our society right now. People are unwilling to make the effort unless they know they are going to win. If they start something and begin to lose, they quit. And if they are winning, they like to get more than they've earned. Of the many people I have met, their life is a performance-based life. How high their grades were, what place they were in the race, the awards earned, etc. are all things that give "meaning" to their lives and they fail to actually live. I won't deny that I've fallen into that pattern every once in a while, especially with those surrounding me focusing on my performance (or lack thereof). Sure, it's great to succeed, but it's even better to fail and learn from it or, better yet, just play the game! Anyway, I got tired of playing Backgammon after yet another person couldn't deal with failure. I'm sure I'll go back to it after this. :)

I have a co-therapist. There are two reasons there are coalitions with other therapists right now: 1) the need of the clients or 2) the need of the therapist. Most of the sessions that are paired up right now are because a select few of the second years decided to be picky about their time in the beginning and now they are short hundreds of family hours and they are cramming them in in the last two months before graduation. Personally, I can't stand it. It would be the case where the ones that irritate me the most are also the irresponsible ones in need of family hours. In any case, I was again paired with the co I had before that I really have issues with. Last week, my supervisor came in to correct some damage my co did and I was grateful. I was doing a good job, but serious help was needed. I decided after the events of last week that I would actually talk to my co. (I really have trouble even looking at them, so talking with them was not an easy thing for me.) In any case, I told her what my plan was for the session because I'm the primary. She agreed, but wanted to go a different direction. I emphasized that I didn't think that direction was necessary and she attempted to talk over me (which she often does). She tends to talk without a point, just to fill time, so I was needing to leave, we reached a stop in conversation, hand on the door, and she follows me, continuing to attempt to change my mind. At least we discussed it this week, as opposed to last week. Yesterday was our session and ... it was not easy. She let me go ahead with my direction, but interrupted me several times, inserting unnecessary comments and filling the time to the point of not being able to finish what we had started. I don't know if she is doing it to drag out the sessions and get more hours or if she really is totally oblivious to the damage she does to the client when she does that. I felt like I had to RAISE MY HAND to be able to talk in MY OWN SESSION!!! Anyway, I've got to work on it, but I have to figure out how to confront her, in session when she is off, without the clients seeing my frustration and thereby minimizing her authority, experience, and sometimes well-placed comments and ideas. *sigh* In other news, my adopted brother and I will likely get to co in the next couple weeks and I'm excited. We get along great and I think that will show in the session and we can build on each other instead of contradicting each other. :)

I was sitting in class yesterday morning. We are taking Statistics and I'm giddy as a school girl because of how much I love Stats. In any case, toward the end of class I was looking around the classroom and it was very interesting in the way we were sitting. The people who didn't participate in the ropes course training were sitting on the edges (we sit in a U shape) and those that did participate were on the inside. It was interesting to me, mostly because that is really how they are now that they weren't really willing to put themselves out there and risk pain for growth. Something that struck me is all.

I was walking to class a couple weeks ago and I was contemplating life in general, as I tend to do, and the relationships that I have with each of my classmates and it made me think about planes. Not airplanes, but planes of existence. I tend to expect people to be on the same level of functioning as I am, whether it is in regard to intelligence, spirituality/beliefs, dedication/endurance, introspection, growth, or just friendship. I tend to be unforgiving of those that don't match with me on one or more levels. Since I've recognized it though, life has been easier. I've always known that we all go through different things and can still interact, but the picture that came to my mind when thinking about it was completely different than I expected. I wish I could really explain it, but, like I said, it was weeks ago and I only wrote five words down to remind me of it. If I get it again, I'll expound more.

When my supervisor came in to our session last week he told my client to write an "If I were to die tomorrow this is what I would want you to know" letter to her father. That particular supervisor has brought up letters like that several times in class and it has been on my mind for a while. There are many unsaid things on my part and they often say "you can only take your client as far as you have been" and I definitely haven't done that. The thing is, I'd write it just to understand what really bothers me about certain situations, not that I'd go mailing a letter to every person I've ever met, but for my own understanding. The client is mailing the letter with her Father's Day present to her dad. I have no idea of what to do if he doesn't react well to it. I read her letter and I cried. Still thinking that one out.

During my Group Processes class and a few weeks before I wasn't sleeping well. It was bothering me to no end. I've always been the one who could sleep for extreme amounts of time, but sleeping only two hours a night was taking its toll. There really wasn't anything going on, but I was obviously anxious about something, but I still haven't been able to identify it. When I was younger and an undergrad, I often found myself not sleeping so I could spend time with my friends. I was always paranoid about missing out on something. Hearing my friends talk about something I wasn't included in, whether it was intentional or accidental, was not something I enjoyed. I still don't like it, to be honest. If I went back to the first time I felt that feeling though...and I'm crying. In any case, there have been frequent occurrences in my life where people that I thought were close to me excluded me by one means or another and then talked about the things that happened (often fun things) without me there. I don't handle not being "there" very well. The irony is, I'm the one that moved. I can't be a million places at once, but I sure do try at times.

By suggestion of a family member, I started seeing one of the therapists in the clinic. I'm paying for it after all. I went twice and the therapist said he was going out of town and I could reschedule if I wanted to. To be honest, it sucked. It was like he was saying the things that concerned me weren't important. I haven't rescheduled. I don't think I will.

I've realized why I like therapy so much. It is like putting together a puzzle. You do the edgework and then you get a piece at a time until you have a full picture. :)

Something that came up during ropes course training was that several of my issues are paradoxical. I have known it for years, it's like I've been feeding both dogs. Anyway, my professor mentioned how I'm a lot more sensitive than I let people believe. I've known it for years, but really haven't been able to do anything about it. A similar situation rose with another classmate and a couple questions came to my mind as she was talking about how her family would not allow her to be as sensitive as she was. The questions were "what does/did it do to her family for her to be so sensitive? Why is she not allowed to be?" There are distinct memories that I have where I was discouraged from showing emotion, especially crying or emotional hurt to the point of blocking off completely around the majority of my relatives. If someone said something hurtful, I had to find a private place because I wasn't allowed to be hurt. I still do it. I do alone things so I can be myself as much as I want. No wonder I dislike fake people so much...

I am pretty tired of Bradford Keeney, Ph.D. these days. We have talked about him in class both days this week and I spent five days with him last week and I will officially say. I am tired of him. Sure, he's had many experiences. Sure, he's super smart, but when it comes down to it, he's just a regular guy that was fortunate enough to study under some of the fledgling Marriage and Family Therapists. He is good because he has been practicing for a long time. I really wouldn't care if I didn't hear too much about him after this week. An experience, but not a life-changing one.

Things today have been very open to me. I keep thinking thoughts about the day. There are days that go by without me writing anything in my little notebook to remind me of things to post here and then there are days like today where I have a whole page of thoughts, or almost thoughts. I will try to satisfy those keywords with actual comments, but I will apologize in advance if I get tired at the end and slack off. :)

Next week is my last week with my co-therapist with my first client. All this week I cannot help but think about the training wheels being taken off my bike. Granted, I never had a bike with training wheels because I swiped the money to buy a bike and it didn't come with training wheels, but I'm only imagining what it would be like to be expected to "fly solo" or do a tightrope without a net or something of equal anxiety. I'm on two ends of the spectrum right now. I'm excited, but very, very freaked out that I won't have anything helpful to say because much of the time I'm building on something my co-therapist has said. I really haven't had the opportunity to be confident in my own thoughts and impressions.

I was able to be on my own with my second client for a few minutes last week and things went well. Unfortunately, due to some logistics, the appointment for this week is cancelled. It is disappointing to lose that client, but a bit of a relief to not have to continue that (different) co-therapy relationship because it was not necessarily working. So, I am back down to one client.

Last week in Supervision with one of my classmates my supervisor brought up my family story. I didn't know why, but I was somewhat upset about it. The more I thought about it, I realized that I like to control the amount of personal information that I share with people. I also like for it to be a balanced sharing of information. If someone is going to know all my "stuff" I expect them to be equally open with me. The fact that there wasn't that balance in the situation was frustrating.

Today, in class, with all my classmates and one new guy and another guy that isn't even in the program, the same supervisor started talking about my family story in front of the entire class. First of all, there was very little context for "outing" me in any way. Not that it was negative or bad, but it was personal and not fof all of the world in that context. To the point that I was frustrated and had to pull my handkerchief out of my bag to keep myself from crying right there. Like I said, it wasn't anything telling, but it still bothered me. I asked him why he felt the need to discuss my family story twice in one week and he said he would answer the question later, but never did. I am sure there is something that he knows about me that he is trying to make me stronger, but I'm certainly not enjoying it at this point. Soon we will be in intercession and all of the mess will come out.

Mondays are days where my brain turns to mush and I can't get anything to process properly. The communications class is so subjective and it's on a Monday so I'm just brain dead for the most part. It doesn't help that the book is so dense I can't really develop any thoughts of my own while reading it. I'm usually able to do that in every book.

There is one cool thing that happened last week. A second year and I were having a conversation when I was working on Tuesday night. She had a particularly rough night seeing a couple for two and a half hours and I commented that she would be done in a matter of six months. She then commented on how we would be doing the therapy and then said that she wanted me to be her co-therapist. I should explain, at the beginnings of our practicum we are teamed up with the second years as they transition the clients from one therapist to another. In most cases neither party gets to choose, as far as my understanding, who is their co-therapist. I asked her why she wanted me to be her co-therapist and she commented on how I am good at recognizing patterns in people's lives. To me, this was a huge compliment. Partially because we have only interacted in a few instances in supervision. She doesn't read my notes from observation and we don't really get a chance to talk about her sessions after I have watched them because of time constraints. She is one of my favorite therapists to watch though and I felt very complimented at the idea of someone requesting me as a co-therapist. Nothing is in stone, but it is nice to be complimented either way.

Things are very busy otherwise. I have to write a response to the class I just finished, maybe I'll post it when I'm done, if it makes sense.