I have had a client recently that didn't want anything to do with me. She was resistant to therapy, but finally opened up and talked to me about some things. Then it was reported to me that she was drinking and I had to report it to DCFS. She stopped talking to me after that even though she was required to attend weekly therapy. She would come, not engage and pretty much waste an hour of my time. In the past couple weeks it was decided that if she reported stable moods while off her medication then we would close her file. It sounded like a plan to me! This past week we had our last session. While sitting there in silence I tend to think about several things. This week it came to me to ask what she thought of the DCFS involvement in her life. No kid can pass up the opportunity to complain about something they think is unfair. She talked about how they just keep kids in the system to get money, how everyone in DCFS is on a power trip, how they blow things out of proportion and other such things. After thinking for a few seconds I asked her if that is how she felt about therapists as well. She nodded.
I noted that in my little mental notebook. Apparently I didn't engage her enough following the drinking incident. I didn't put my heart into it. I will admit there are many times that I'm not emotionally engaged with clients. I noted that I need to work harder to be more...attached? I don't know the right word, but I know what it means.
On the other end of the spectrum I have another client. Another young lady. She came alone to the assessment (a big no-no) and came one more time for her follow up because court made her. In our session we dug right in and hit the exact thread of what was upsetting her so much. She cried. She hasn't been back. A couple weeks ago she came into the office and demanded a different therapist.
Apparently, not doing therapy and letting the client avoid things is not appreciated. On the other end of the spectrum...actually doing therapy doesn't go over very well either.
Oh to find the balance.
Something that I continue to teach clients is the Emotional Continuum or "Frozen Emotions". It does a great job of
showing how an individual gets to a certain point with how they express or deal with their feelings. It states that there are three possible ways that a person's feelings can be responded to. The feelings are either accepted, rejected, or neglected. I am very familiar with the latter two and examples of each. I can spot these a mile away and I cringe when I see it happening, but it is difficult to know how to teach a person to respond, to give examples and make it easy to understand without insulting the parent (at least in my case).
We (my work) purchased several books for the Parenting Library. I got to choose the books and I added several books that had been recommended, but I hadn't yet read. I've been reading them one by one. The most recent one I started while on my trip and I didn't pick it back up until yesterday. I ended up reading about 75 pages over because I had lost my spot, but it was completely worth it.
This book does exactly what I was needed for the "accepting" part of the Emotional Continuum. It's a pretty great resource for any parent who really doesn't know how to respond to kids appropriately when acknowleding their feelings. It is called "Between Parent and Child" by Haim G. Ginott. It was recently revised and edited by Dr. Alice Ginott and Dr. H. Wallace Goddard. I haven't read the original, so I can't compare, but this one is great!
There are many "policies" out there in the world. I deal with some of them and I'm sure I'm oblivious to many, many more policies out in the world. Our company has a policy that really gets me ticked off. First of all, we are a mental health facility, that much is pretty obvious. As a mental health facility we have employees. Employees are people. People have families, children, spouses. All of whom have problems with abuse, stress, anxiety, relationships, coping skills, depression, anger, drugs, alcohol and other addictive substances. As people who are employed by a mental health facility, the members of the community look to us, our relationships, our families, and our children when considering listening to our advice/counsel/whatever you want to call it.
If I were a dentist, I would be free to treat my family members or the family members of my friends without question. My kids would have perfect teeth. If I were a doctor, the situation would be the same. My kid gets sick, they get treatment, sometimes above other kids. I have a brother-in-law who is an optometrist. Everyone in his family has the best glasses around (me included!).
As an employee at a mental health facility, your children, you, nor your spouse can receive mental health treatment here. The even more difficult part is, this is the only facility in town that provides psychological services for adults AND children. If you live here and have a kid who needs medication, you have to go a couple hours away to get treatment. I have co-workers who have children and grandchildren with serious mental health issues, but I cannot see them. Does that make any sense at all?!
I didn't think so either.
