'Tis the Season

This time of year brings about gestures of charity and kindness in many homes and families. As I reflected on this the past little while, it comes to mind the tendency to look outside of our families for those in need. I wonder how often our families need our charity and kindness more than anyone else. I can imagine the pain of knowing a family member is capable of being nice and giving, but only to people that "don't matter".

In my family one of my sisters pointed out that we are "danglers". This means that one sibling might call another talking about how their babysitter fell through and they don't know how on earth they are going to do the things they need to do with the kids in tow. The presenter is waiting for the other person to offer their assistance. Sometimes it works. It was something that was pointed out I suppose as a pattern observation. It seemed to me that I needed to be aware of my own tendency to "dangle". Just ask, right?

I can only theorize that there is something about just asking. Maybe we need to sell how terrible a plight we are in so that the other person cannot deny us. Maybe we think that if we just said "hey, I need you" then it would get rejected. Then again, maybe we think everyone should bend at our every call and so we shouldn't have to ask, they should just "know" to help us.

I am torn between these two things. As the person in need, I do not object to asking for help. At the same time, I think everyone's lives would be a little better if we saw a need and filled it, without someone having to ask. Those two things seem to oppose each other in my head, but make complete sense at the same time.

I think both of them boil down to pride. Are we too proud to admit we need help? Or are we too proud to serve someone else? Are we so focused on how little people help us that we don't see how many people need us?

I am a helper, by profession, I suppose. Every day it is my job to help people's lives and relationships improve. There are many times that I do not know what the other person expects or needs me to do. I'm sure there are many days that I fall short of expectations or what people need. I hesitate to "fix" when some people just want to be listened to. Finding that balance is something I have yet to master, but I'm working on it.

Do you see only your needs or the needs of others as well? Then, what do you do about it?