Slipped Away

The other day I met someone. Granted, I meet someone every day it seems. It's pretty much par for the course in therapyland. In any case, while I do meet many people in my field, this person was completely different.

There have been a handful (okay, maybe a-couple-hands-and-feet-ful) of people that I've met that struck me in a similar way this person did. Maybe you've met someone like this before. You know, one of those people that you have to meet and you don't really have a good reason but you know that no matter what kind of interaction you have it will be positive and they will make you a better/smarter person having known them?

I generally meet one of these I'll say...once a month or so. Sometimes it's a client, sometimes it's through school, sometimes it's through church, sometimes I'll even see them in stores or something. The hand and foot numbers are the ones I've actually created a relationship with. Not "relationship" but just a relationship. These people, I wish I knew exactly what it was about them that makes them that person to me, but I can never tell except that the feeling I get from just seeing them. There were people like that all through my younger days, but I was too shy to even approach them, much less learn and grow from them. Maybe the growing would have been in pushing myself past my comfort zone.

As I said, several of these people have slipped through my fingers or never even touched my fingers. My trouble is, when I do meet them, I haven't quite reached a balance yet. For example, there was one such party I saw months ago in a bookstore. He looked familiar, but I hadn't any idea why. I talked myself out of approaching him because, after all, that would be really weird using a "do I know you from somewhere?" line when I wasn't, in actuality, making any effort to pick him up. I later learned that he attended my church and we eventually met and talked, but not too much. Then we talked more (still not too much) and I continued to be amazed at the example this person was (and often continues to be) to me. This is where trouble comes in. People like this are...kryptonite to me. Once I've got my foot in the door and I realize that I was right about how awesome a person they are, I get a little honest about how great I think they are. Still not on an "interest" level, but really just blown away that there are still people like that out there. This honesty then breeds discomfort and a seemingly rapid drifting of interactions to the point where I know that I totally botched up the potentially symbiotic relationship that may have occurred had I been a little more patient. Ah yes, such is life.

When I saw this person (the one earlier this week) it was quite unexpected. I was still in the throes of the previously damaged friendship/relationship/interaction and these opportunities don't happen every day. I would look at them, but have no idea why I was curious about them, try and figure it out, realize I may have been staring, re-check myself, pay attention to the rest of the group, repeat. (After rinsing and lathering of course!) I had again decided that approaching this person would be absolutely awkward and too something to actually follow-through with it. I quit my plotting and went back to full attention, with only minor breaks. After the "event" ended, I had to leave the room for a moment. By this time, said person was standing basically in the doorway in which it would have been rude to not introduce myself, so I did, random exchange of banter, exit.

There's my balance. Or lack thereof. Strategic movement until awkwardness turns into more awkwardness OR awkwardness right from the outset. Of course, there are the few rare times that the awkwardness is openly addressed and I'm better friends with them for it. Generally, it doesn't happen. I cannot recall one person where I felt like I had to talk to them, succeeded and maintained a friendship for an extended length of time (sans my current best friend). This isn't to disparage my current friends at all, but merely an observation.

I do try and hold on to them longer though. Milking what little I can from obviously shallow interactions, but as it goes, nothing comes of it. I suppose some of you might think I'm kicking myself quite often with this behavior, but it's quite unconscious until it is far too late. I will say that I've realized that it is more often that those with this "quality" about them are male. There are females thrown in there every once in a while, but overall the majority falls on the masculine gender. I've decided that this is mostly the fault of my parents who provided me with five sisters allowing for an eternal fulfillment of female opinions, feedback, interactions, what have you. Compounded with the five or six girls that are within my "inner circle" and I am not really in need of any sort of added feminine "help". Strong women are abundant in my world.

I'm still quite curious as to whether there's a commonality between all these people that I've yet to identify. I doubt that each individual would be willing to be subjected to any sort of survey or personality test. Especially since, as previously stated, I have little-to-no relationship with most of them. I suppose I shall never know. Maybe next time I'll be normal and I can find out. Most times, all you get is once chance.